I linger in NY now, visiting. I came in September 1st and realization hit me flat in the face. The man who I loved, or love whatever it may be. Isn’t who he was anymore sadly he is lost and gone. A shame, and Devastating. But also a realization that hit me the moment we met. I knew in my gut the end would be quick and painful. And I wanted to help fix him and take the risk. But the lesson of this all no matter how much you want to help or fix someone you can’t. You can provide the bandages and stitches and supplies, but only the person who is injured can pick them up and use them. No one can save you, but yourself. And love isn’t enough. And never will be in this case. I hope he finds peace and happiness one day. Till then I am gone, and nothing more than a “friend” as much as I can be one…I am just the mist that brushes by your face, until you can see again.

Among that a man name “Windex” I will call him, tends to hate me so and makes the situation much more drama than what it is. Likes to make me look like a child, a user, a fool, in denial. And that I am plain dumb. And a like a little school girl in love. Because he has something against me, and of course the man I loved only tells him my side of the story, so his image isn’t destroyed. A shame how scared someone can be, because they are afraid to show who they are real. Only so long I can hold my tongue…only so long..

As for the rest of the trip only being the second, well now third day. I have enjoyed myself spending time with my cousin, his mom and daughter. I love them greatly, and it’s been lovely. Soon I will be hanging out with more people and going to a wedding and seeing my best friend. It shall be fun. 

But does the drama stop here….I question….